I don’t think we can always see our own evolution when it is taking place. Somewhat like clay on the wheel of life. We can’t quite see ourselves taking form and unable to predict what will shape us. But as the ole folks always say, “Time will tell”. At this moment, I am able to look back and see how all of my life lessons and seasons were pulling, stretching, hardening, and softening who I am. The moment when everything around me seemingly dissolved literally in my hands was also the moment I realized it wasn’t my ending but my beginning. The parts that were solid became the foundation and the life force that holds me together.
And, now I know, I have become who I was always meant to be because of it.
A woman who has lived the way I live may spend a lot of time contemplating her decisions. There’s nothing like feeling like you constantly have to chose who you want to be when you “grow up”. Oh girl, how my life has been a back and forth line dance.
When there is a deep love for so many creative pursuits most likely it is a challenge to just pick one thing. It was for me. During my childhood, I love everything. Dancing. Reading. Studying. Fashion. Exploring. Foraging. Anything. Yet, as I embarked on my educational path and college, I committed to being a pharmacist and sort of shelving anything creative. By my 3rd year of pharmacy school, I found myself unfulfilled and eager to try living a creative life.
I was the first person on my mother’s side who pursued a doctorate in healthcare so the pride and what I’ve always felt pressure was heavy on my back. When you grow up smart and accomplished the expectations remain high. It can be challenging to walk away from a promising career and your family’s expectations. But, I did. I also did it unknowingly carrying a lot of guilt and shame that I wasn’t a doctor.
But, I knew in my heart and my mind, I still had the knowledge and passion to heal, nurture, and create.
Life is just like potter’s clay it gets shaped by our hands. I have lived many lives. Along the way, I am continuosly being molded into the woman I am becoming. Always finding a way to learn something new. Tend to and steward my crafts. Remain open to always being a student of life. This approach to living has helped me find my footing.
As I reintroduce In Search of Our Garden in this season, I am also savoring and delighting in so much of who I was. Holding on to all of the beautiful talents and interests that serve as my foundation. My undying love of working with plants and natural healing. What I accept as my God given talent of sewing but committing to mastering it. But most importantly, being willing to sit at the feet of the women before me to learn and accept wisdom on how to cultivate and curate womanhood. Not just womanhood but divine creative womanhood.
I aspire to become a woman in search of ways to be more naturally, creatively, and culturally refined.
kimono street vendor in Puerto Vallarta | jeans, camisole, and sandals H&M
photos by KP Fusion